Bittersweet

Yesterday, I dropped Nate off at the airport for his early morning flight. Little by little, over the past few weeks, this move and new adventure has been feeling more and more real. As I watched him walk into the airport it suddenly felt undeniably real.

It was bittersweet. Yet, bittersweet doesn’t begin to describe how it felt.

What’s worst than bitter?

I am going to miss him so badly! I thought back on the night before, when he said goodbye to the kids. Hadley was crying.  She’s old enough to understand the passage of time. She understands how long a month is. She kept asking, “What if we don’t see him for the whole two years?” I realized that you can understand how certain things in life work and be afraid of the things that are still a mystery.

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Nate’s view as the plane was leaving Boise. His last chance to say good-bye. 

I have never been afraid of flying. I don’t usually get emotional when Nate takes short trips for work. Twice, we have been apart for months at a time. This time was different though. I was worried about the safety of the father of my children and the love of my life. We’ve never been separated by an ocean or by the equator. That’s a lot of miles, in which any number of things could go wrong.

Not only was I worried for him but for myself and our kids. Its going to be hard to be apart from him for so long. The past few weeks, I have been thinking, we’ve been apart for longer that this and have been fine. Then I remembered that saying goodbye is always the hardest part.

I consider myself a strong woman and mother. I can “single-mom” it for a month. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but i make make it through. With Father’s Day coming up on Sunday, I’m feeling extra emotional and grateful for the amazing man that is my kids’ father and my partner for life and eternity. He is such a big part of what makes us a fun, happy, loving and successful family!

After I dropped him off and let myself cry and feel sad for a few minutes, I pulled up my calendar and reevaluated how long I needed to finish everything up and be ready to fly to paradise and be reunited with him.

What’s better than sweet?

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After a four-hour layover in Honolulu, Nate caught a glimpse of Pearl Harbor as the plane took off, headed for Pago Pago, American Samoa.

A few minutes after I had dropped Nate off, he called me to let me know he had checked in and everything was set for him to go (we were worried that his suitcase might be too heavy). He could hear in my voice that I had been crying. He comforted me by saying that this was a good thing, it was just the beginning of our new adventure. He reminded me that the kids and I would be flying out to meet him soon and then we would be living our new life together.

Not only did he know just how to make me feel better but it was a reminder of the love he has for me and for our family. This adventure in American Samoa is my dream come true! He had his dream job here in Idaho. It was the kind of job that he had been working toward since graduating from college. He loved the work he did and the people he worked with. It was the career that he wanted for the rest of his life.

In spite of having his dream job, he knew that I would never be satisfied until we had taken our family to live somewhere overseas. He could also see what advantages may come from this change. When this job offer came up, he decided to make my dream come true. By doing this, he put his job on hold, maybe indefinitely.

How did I get so lucky to be with a man who loves and supports me so much?

In just a few weeks we will be closing the door to our empty house and boarding an airplane that will take us to American Samoa. We will be embarking on an adventure that will help us learn and grow. An adventure that we will return from different than when we began.

Change is hard. Getting out of your comfort zone is uncomfortable. We take chances when we choose to travel outside-the-box.

For years, I have watched as others have made the choice to travel with their families to new and exciting places.

Now its our turn.

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